I’ve had my fair share of massages; I consider myself a sort of expert on the subject.  If I were to give out awards for the massages I’ve received, it would look something like this:

Best Massage

Tie: Mui Ne beach massage and Sihanoukville (Cambodia) beach massage

-       note the theme of beaches in both of these. The emphasis was less on “adjustments”, and more on oil and rubbing. The smell of the salt air, the warmth of the sun and the sounds of the waves crashing mere feet from the massage table didn’t hurt either.

Most Painful Massage

Lotus Flower, Bui Vien

-       this was our “go-to” massage parlour in Saigon. I think the woman had a bee in her bonnet this particular day and she took it out on me. I was much too polite and let her continue with the “strong massage”. It was a series of chiropractic adjustments and painful physiotherapy-like moves. I was sore for 3 days afterwards.

Most Awkward Massage

Our Hotel Room, Cat Ba Island, Halong Bay

-       this story sounds bad, but it’s not – trust me. Jen and I were eating dinner in a restaurant on Cat Ba Island. A man approached and started rubbing my neck to demonstrate his massaging prowess. I said I wasn’t interested right then but “maybe tomorrow”. He asked what guesthouse we were staying at, and I told him (a common question). I let him know that I would find him at the restaurant around 8pm the next night for a massage.

At 7pm, he showed up at our room (we were the only ones in the whole guesthouse so not hard to track down). Him and his friend (also a man) then proceeded to give Jen and I massages in our room, on our beds. It sounds scandalous, but it’s not. No happy ending, but definitely super awkward.

Most Unconventional Massage

Seeing Hands Massage, Kampot (Cambodia)

-       while in Kampot, I heard that there was a massage parlour that only employed blind people to do the massages. Intrigued, I decided to give it a shot. The result was a great massage – that knot under my shoulder blade which would have been glossed over by the average masseuse was immediately discovered by my guy and worked out. He felt his way around the table with no assistance, and even climbed up on top for the standard adjustments. A really cool experience!

Spa treatments are a fantastic deal here in Saigon. They’re hard to resist after a day spent riding through crazy traffic or patiently explaining what subjugating conjunctions are to non-English speakers. And, when the prices are this cheap, it’s pretty difficult to find a reason NOT to. In a valiant effort of self-control, I’ve tried to limit myself to one treatment per week.

In the photo below, I am getting a French manicure and Serene is getting a pedicure. “What do these cost?” I hear you ask. Well, the manicure is $1.80 and the pedicure is $3.60.  Seriously.

In this picture, Jen is getting a massage. One hour, full body massage will put you back $7.20.

And let’s check out the rest of the price list.  Bikini wax: $9.00. One hour facial: $8.00. Hour and a half hand and foot scrub with paraffin treatment: $11.00.  And at prices like this, you can afford to tip like a baller. Vietnam, I love you.