“Who does this chair think he is?”

-Ryan, trying unsuccessfully to sit down for lunch

“This is when I walk out the door and the sun starts smiling at me and says, Oh Ryan, you’re gonna have a great day. And the flowers start waving and say, Oh you’re gonna have a great day Ryan! And then I walk down the street and someone’s getting mugged and they just say, Oh you’re gonna have a great day Ryan, and they give me their money. And people are getting in car accidents and they’re like, Yeaaaahhh even though they’re getting hurt, but they’re like, Oh do you need a ride? ”

-Ryan, describing the start of his perfect day

“Is it weird that when I cry mascara runs down my face and I don’t even wear it?”

-Ryan, listening to “I Hurt Myself” by Johnny Cash

1. He’s an impulse buyer. Knives, llama sweaters, ski masks, you name it. If it catches his eye (or glitters in the sunlight), you can bet his stash of cash is going down. Again. That said, he’s become an expert haggler. $17 technicolor hoodie? He’ll get it for $12.

2. He taught himself to play “Earth Angel” on a $24 mini guitar he bought off the street.  He also scrawled “Save Yourselves” with a permanent marker on the guitar and then wondered about making it through airport security.

3. He constantly threatens to pop his shirt off but has yet to deliver. Speaking of shirtless, he starts every sentence with “So…my brother Derek…you should see his abs..” He draws stick figures of his brother Derek on our apartment’s dry erase board – complete with six-pack abs – just to hammer the point home.

4. He wears his headphones everywhere – and pretends he can’t hear what we’re saying to him.

5. He often walks into the elevator – and forgets to push the button.

6. He decided to give away the skateboards he brought to Quito to two skaters he met in a neighboring town within 15 minutes of meeting them.

7. He planned to get a $35 suit made just so he could order a Whopper while wearing it.

“We have a lot to talk about. I mean, you’re a new human being in my life.”

-Ryan, talking to a friend of a friend on Skype

“If you guys were wondering how my thighs look, one’s really kind of swollen.”

-Ryan on a Skype call

“I wrote a song about you. It’s called Even the Devil Was An Angel Once.”

-Ryan, preparing to serenade me

“I was born at the bottom of your dreams”

-Ryan, brainstorming the first line of our novel

“What are you making?

-Cookies.

-It smells like mac and cheese.”

-Ryan commenting on my cooking

No can-opener? A knife will do. Won’t it, Ryan?!

Pas d’ouvre-boîte? Un couteau suffit, n’est-ce pas Ryan?