That’s how long it’s been since I’ve returned back to New York City from living in Japan for a year.

That’s how long the man in the photo above has been able to see my face, call at leisure, meet me in the city, spend the night, eat my food, and love me in person.

Now, I have to prepare to leave him again. A much shorter time, but a just as far destination.. I just returned from a VERY extended stay in Asia, and now I’m headed back.

I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t say it was bittersweet.

There is a love between us that I truly feel is unfathomable to us both, and we’re in it. Days when ‘bitch’ should be branded across my forehead (yesterday) he’s still there. Not only is he there, but he’s feeding the cat and taking out the trash, telling me to go sit my ass down and finish editing videos for work.

As artists, we understand that our relationship and lifestyle is going to be far from generic. Truth be told, I believe that’s part of why we’re both in it. This is the good shit. I am so grateful to be teamed with him. Plus, we’re dorks. Thus we have to stick together.

I don’t know if anyone going on this excursion is in a relationship at the moment. I’m guessing that I am the only one. The honorary mascot to show the world if these controversial things called long distance relationships actually work.

The crowd holds their breath……

PS. We got this!

What can I say about Ben?  I met him our first week in Saigon at the beer place down the street from our guesthouse.  He is an Aussie boy that has been here for a couple of months doing his CELTA training then he’ll be heading back to Sydney in a couple of weeks.  Despite the fact that he has a creepy Movember mustache, the worst $1 (literally, it was a $1) haircut you will ever see and a not so secret love for Twilight I can’t help but be attracted to him.  We’ve been having an amazing time together, exploring the city and laughing until we’re both crying.

The thought constantly lingers in the back of my head…. November 27th…. the day Ben flies back to Sydney and this dream world we’ve been living in disappears, it’s still 1o days away but I already have a heavy feeling in my heart.  The rational side of my brain has been in constant battle with my heart the last couple of weeks.  My brain is saying, “Jen, you’ve only known this guy for a couple of weeks, who gives a fuck?  You knew it from the beginning that he would be gone by the end of the month, get over it and grow up you chump.”  But then my hearts scolds my brain for being such an asshole, “Jenny, maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to write this one off…. who knows what could come of it?”

2 years ago when I backpacked through Australia, I met an absolutely terrific guy and we hit it off right away.  I was convinced that it was meant to be.  I had to go home to Canada to finish my last year of University so we had planned to meet up again in a year, but this time he would come to Canada and we would pick up where we left off.  Oh how things change in a year.  He met another girl and now he is getting married to her.  I don’t regret leaving but I can’t help but wonder what would’ve been.

When it comes to relationships on the road what is one supposed to do?  Am I forever supposed to keep everyone out of life until I get home or do I risk having my heart broken?

I guess in 10 days we’ll see who wins out….. my brain or my heart.  I may be fine or I may be a mess on the floor.

One of the hardest things to be honest about are our relationships while on the road.  For the most part, we don’t have any problem divulging all the gritty details of our lives, but when it comes to relationships, it can get tricky because that begins to involve other people in what we’re doing.  We’re four pretty liberal girls, and yes, when we’re out on the road, there’s a pretty likely chance that we may get involved with some men.  So here’s my honest story of how things went for me in Turkey:

The first time I went to visit Rob in Istanbul, I met a guy on my very last night in the city.  The two of us hit it off pretty quickly, and when it became evident that the two of us were going to get the opportunity to meet back up in Istanbul when I joined the cast, we were both pretty excited.  I packed my bags, and was on my way to a brand new life, and was also happy that I was going to have a guy in a brand new, foreign city.  When I actually got to the city, I saw the aforementioned guy a few times and well, things didn’t really work out.  It didn’t work out because of time.  I had a lot to do to adjust to JS0, I went to Bulgaria, and I went on a tour around Turkey.  He wasn’t very happy with this, and I quite frankly don’t blame him, but it just wasn’t working out.  So, I sat around, got to know Kris and Jen, and prepared to get ready for Vietnam, leaving my love life behind.

Oh but wait!  My life is never that easy, or maybe I’m just too boy crazy, I can’t tell.  Enter Turkish man #2, one of Jen’s coworkers.  I met this man for a quick second at Jen’s work and immediately had the heart flutters, but waved it off because I was leaving for Vietnam in two days, and what was the point?  But oh wait again, I’m not that rational!  Cute coworker showed up at our going away party, and I pretty much found myself stuck to his side like glue the second he walked in the door.  We chatted throughout the evening, went for a very nice dinner my last night in Istanbul, and said our goodbyes at the airport.

Multiple e-mail conversations later, I’m now in Saigon finding myself still a bit smitten by said cute coworker.  I’m glad to have a new friend afar, but sad that I didn’t get to spend more time with my new love interest.

This, ladies and gentleman, is the crappy part of traveling.  We’re screwed.  We can meet the most amazing people in each country, but there will always come the point where we have to say goodbye.  I joined Jet Set Zero because I love adventure and I wanted to experience something unique.  The sad fact is, you can’t plan on meeting people, you can’t deny it when two people are attracted to each other, and we will always leave each country heartbroken, the heartbreaker, or both.   Sometimes, traveling ain’t easy.

The price for getting to travel the world is steeper than you may wish to pay.  And it’s not just measured in dollars.

This episode was excruciatingly hard for us to put together.  It took everything I had emotionally to keep watching Rob’s confessions over and over again, and I’ve been dreading the impact it will have on him when he has to relive those experiences while watching the episode.  Never before have I been faced with real moral and emotional consequence in my line of work, and the process has been a bittersweet.

When I took on the job of primary editor/producer for JS0 it was a mostly carefree decision.  I was basically unattached to the world and had some money saved away so I could take whatever job I wanted at the time.  I chose to tell the story of 4 people having an adventure because it sounded like fun, but in the course of working with them over the past 6 months the experience has turned into something far more complex.  Not only are we all friends now (though I’ve never even met some of the team in person), but the story is getting more and more serious, and the act of retelling it is having a greater impact on my life.

This episode especially: I’m still recovering from a relationship that ended almost a year ago.  More accurately I’m not recovering from it, and hearing the numerous parallel’s with Rob’s situation has been stirring my demons.  The unique challenges of editing very painful material concerning a friend’s life, the events of which remind you horrifically of your own, has made the past two weeks completely surreal.

Wherever he is, I hope Rob is finding some closure right now: for both our sakes.

Us.

Tomorrow will be Thanksgiving, and it feels oddly symbolic. Tonight, there’ll be no shopping, no oven, no pies. We won’t fall asleep together. I won’t spend tomorrow with family, walking the dog, watching football, setting the table. I won’t pour her a second glass of wine or eat two helpings of dessert. There’s no house to clean when we’re done.

Tomorrow I should be thankful. After all, she’ll be happier this way– but I feel lost, angry, regretful. I feel that this has been the biggest failure of my life. And most of the time I feel nothing.

After three Thanksgivings together, it’s hard to remember the day otherwise. We started traditions, saved recipes, took pictures. We had a box for the champagne corks we got on our anniversaries with two inside. We rented movies on Friday night.

It’s good to be in Saigon on Thanksgiving, lost with friends who are all lost too. I can’t be reminded of it here. I’m a thousand miles from the snow, ten thousand from the blanket, and further from the beating heart beneath it. It’s cold in Minnesota, colder in Saigon.