Five of the six tutors -- Matt, Perrin, Fiona, Melissa and me -- covered in whipped cream goo.

Perrin and I survived our first two weeks of camp and the kids made sure we had a crazed last day. We chased them through a series of “messy games”, such as shaving cream hair style and egg toss competitions.  At the end we  followed camp tradition and let them smother us in whip cream.  We  are sad to leave our fellow tutors and this great camp location but Perrin and I will be reunited with Courtney and Lynn tomorrow in Lanuvio, about 40 minutes away from Rome!

Seeing as almost every man under 30 here would be a top contender for The Jersey Shore Season 3, I was not optimistic about this proposed arranged marriage.  But when my “mom” told me Giovanni would like to take me to the scenic Lake Garda with his two friends, I was all over it – as long as my sister could come.  We really hadn’t met anyone our own age and were eager to see where they went out.

So a couple nights ago Perrin and I hopped in a BMW and headed out with the boys.  A couple things stood out:

Me and Giovanni, my 29-year-old Italian “uncle”, in Autocool, a 24-7 convenience store where you can gamble in the slot machines or buy fresh fruit, DVDs, board games, Gelato and more! Giovanni has a graphic t-shirt, ripped jeans and a man purse. 100% standard look for men here.

1. They drive as if they were in Super Mario Kart.  Mika, our driver, went at least 90mph down a one lane highway the whole trip and zipped around other cars like we had the special star shield around us and could go through anything in our path.  It was mildly terrifying and we won’t be doing it again.  They blasted U2 the whole way though, which was a welcome language barrier buffer.

Perrin dancing to U2's "Elevation" blaring in the background.

2. They always pay for girls.  Most Italian men live with their mothers until their mid-late 20s so they can put away some cash.  This means they have more dough for wining and dining the ladies.  That they did.  We went to a Spanish tapas restaurant called Ole and since Perrin and I couldn’t read the menu they ordered us a feast of food and made sure we always had full glasses of the best sangria I’ve ever had.  They happily took care of the bill and informed us women would NEVER pay while they were around.

The food was delicious all around. Here Perrin and I chow down on some less fancy American wings in honor of the Croxleys night we were missing back home.

3. They love American women.  Giovanni’s friends asked Perrin and I if we were single right away and asked if we would like two Italian men.  They actually used the term, “You free for all?  Yes?  Let’s go.”  We immediately put the brakes on that one yet two of them tried unsuccessfully again to kiss us later.  The cajones!

After a dip in a local pool, Perrin wrinkles her nose. Italian men are desperately seeking American women but they’re not really our style.

4. They are addicted to Facebook.  This clearly is not just an trend amongst Italian men, but it should be noted that they pulled the site up on their iPhones or mentioned it in conversation every couple minutes.  But that could also be an exaggeration because it was the only word Perrin and I understood…

Rut roh! Collaps-ation after day 1 of teaching. (I'm not really crying...)

I just opened my sister’s computer and was greeted with her latest diary entry, which was simply: “I thought about having my tubes tied today.”

We are here at her hotel debriefing after our first day of prison labor, which consisted of servicing a minefield of diabolical elves aged 5-6.

While Italian children look like dark-haired angels, shaming America’s obese youth yet again, the rest of our high expectations were not met. Here’s a glimpse into Sarah and my dialogue.

Perrin: What the f*ck?!

Sarah: We were surprise attacked by Jack and his hunters [from Lord of the Flies].

Perrin: I’m not surprised; I didn’t think the kids would understand us. We don’t speak Italian. I just felt bad when a girl had to pee her pants for me to comprehend that she needed the toilet.

Sarah: It turns out that it was the last day before summer, and the teacher had relinquished all hope for the children’s redemption. She sat in the corner laughing the whole time we were in there.

Perrin: The rest of the day was better.  The next class was wild about our “Peel peel banana!” song and dance. Those kids really shake their hips, even the little boys had Shakira-esque rhythm going.

Sarah: ACLE does offer a brilliant teaching model. They’ve rocked the typical style of “repetition and strict memorization” found in most Italian classrooms. They replaced it with energetic songs and games that get the children involved.  In just one week they have literally changed my tune regarding children: it used to be True Blood’s theme song, “I’m going to do bad things to you” but now it’s “HIP HOP! ENGLISH ROCKS!”  I rather like it.

Perrin: Agreed. ACLE’s even changing my nighttime behavior. Without realizing it, I’ve begun deploying their body-language techniques to make Italian men understand that, when I hug my chest and make slurping motions, it means “I would loooove a beer!” I’m not learning Italian but sign language is universal.

Sarah: Sdfkjfajl [unintelligible].

Sarah is dropping out of the conversation now. She completely lost her voice while hollering at The Wild Things today. Grandpa always attributes her frequent voice loss to cheap whiskey, but this time it was due to Italian-mother style yelling.

Ready for the next episode? Next week we’ll be teaching 9am-6pm.

Childish behavior is contagious.

Courtney and Lynne are ACLE pros and Italy veterans as far as we are concerned.  Luckily for us they have been showing us the ropes in camp and around town in San Remo.

Today their leadership pertained most significantly to their knowledge of prime food spots. The experienced duo led us on a gelato tasting expedition across three vendors, patiently instructing us on how to say “I would like a sample taste please” in Italian (“Vorrei un campione di gusto per favore”).  Lollipop was the winner.

First samples of Gelato.

Tasting the creamy, nutmegy, nutella-y goodness for the first time, we could not stop drooling long enough to pick a winning flavor. Good thing we have six more weeks to give each option a second chance…

Here are a few of our other first impressions from our time in Italy (see photos below).

The Hokey Pokey Dance

Teaching English to non speakers is much harder than expected but we are having a blast returning to our youthful days at Summer Camp.  Here Perrin and I demonstrate teaching “The Hokey Pokey”.  Lynn informed us the proper name in Scotland is “The Hokey Cokey”.  We’ll see which name prevails with the children after the summer.

Espresso: Drink early and often. Two cups at a time if necessary.