What happens when its dinner time in Thailand and the power goes out?  Well, you just have to get creative.  Jean Pierre certainly has one solution…

Evita and I raced through AM traffic on our 100cc imperial speeder determined to make it to the school an hour before our first class started. Evita’s a well-decorated Jedi Master of ESL education, but I was rushing head-long into my first teaching experience. “Maintain the appearance of confidence,” I thought, “If they detect even the slightest sign of weakness you’re done for.” We didn’t really have a full on game plan for how we were going to run the classes and I was worried. “What if we run out of material half way through and the kids are just sitting there staring at us while we try to figure out what to do?” Despite my apprehension, Evita didn’t seemed that worried about it at all. The night before we went over our battle plans. Evita explained to me that a large part of teaching kids is having the ability to think on your feet. “Well,” I thought, “It sounds kind of like bartending or managing a corporate work group and I have experience doing both so I should be good, right? Right?”

10:55am
Make first contact with the young Ewoks. Our first class had been estimated to have 4 students, so far only two have arrived. The first student we met was Noksup, a gregarious snack-loving youngster whose pockets seem to be continuously lined with gummy candy. He’s the oldest of the bunch and despite being quite the ham is rather brilliant and unexpectedly caring.
His counter part at the moment is the seemingly aloof Onsin. She rolled into the classroom quietly, little did we know that we had just been slipped a Trojan horse in the form of a little girl. She seemed shy at first and the only intel we could gather was her name so we left it at that.

11:03am
Nogsup and Onsin suddenly spring into action and we have no idea what’s going on. They’re flipping light switches, closing blinds, messing with the AC, and generally just bouncing off the freaking walls. Then all at once they both sit down, open their notebooks, fish out their pencils and await eagerly our instruction. We were totally floored. Instead of being mischievous they were actually setting up the classroom for us. “Ok. Alright. So that’s how they operate. I think we can work with this.”

11:24am
Midway through the first exercise our third student comes sauntering through the door. A skinny kid donning thick spectacles and face mask. His name is First. Much like Onsin he doesn’t seem that interested in the new teachers and takes his time getting everything set up at his desk. “He’s probably sick,” I thought, “I feel bad for the little guy.” But then he ripped the mask off his face and slightly changed my perspective. “The kid’s a walking time bomb, I wonder if Evita has hand sanitizer in her purse.”

12:07pm { Apocalypse Now!!! }
With twenty minutes left to go we ran of material! The whole time the kids had been growing more and more boisterous, but we were able to keep reeling them back in. That’s when they played their trump card and revealed that the Trojan horse actually contained a powerful warlord capable of wreaking havoc on the battlefield, *ahem*, classroom. There was just no stopping them now. Onsin started running aimlessly around the classroom like she was chasing a ghost that only she could see. Nogsup, hopped up on innumerable bags of fruit snacks began provoking First who then starts screaming as they play fight and chase each other around the classroom. We had just lost control of the battlefield, the children have taken the high ground. I was at a total loss and didn’t know what to do. Should I start yelling at them? Am I allowed to grab the kids and make them sit down? We needed to come up with something quick. I looked at Evita, who looked back up at me with the same “Holy crap, I can’t believe this is happening” look on her face. We were so screwed.
In the end, Evita conjured up some of that think-on your-feet-ness and reeled the kids in again for one last vocabulary and comprehension exercise. I don’t really know how she did it, but I do know this: “Being an effective teacher is not easy.” I have a lot to learn, but luckily Evita’s here to help show me the ropes and ensure that I’m not run asunder by the snack wielding midget army ever again.

*sidenote: we did take the time to reconfigure our lesson plan to better suit the kids in our classroom. just saying*

I love you. You know I love you right? I’m mean, when we first got together I was going through a hard time in life. I had just been born and I really needed the support. I was desperate and inexperienced and maybe that’s what led to our down fall. You were my first and even though I was probably like your 231,664,000th that year, it really didn’t matter because at least we had each other.

Listen, you’re a really great country America. I mean, you have done things for me that NO other country would. Remember the bill of rights? Freedom of speech? Baseball and snow cones? Come on, those were good times baby, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be the person I am today. You helped MOLD me.

“I’m sorry America, what was that? Did you say something?”
“AM I SEEING OTHER COUNTRIES?”

What? Who told you that? Was it North Korea? That no good, totalitarian, son of a…… Ok look, you already know so I’m just going to level with you. YES, I have been seeing other countries. It was only the one time. Well, twice if you count Japan, but I was only in the airport for like an hour so doesn’t even really count. This doesn’t mean that I don’t love you America. There will always be a place in my heart for you. You know I almost joined the Army for you right? We’ve been together for so long that I don’t even know where you stop and I begin. It’s just, I just need some space right now. I need some time to grow, to figure out who I am.

“America, are you…, are you crying?”

Look, it’s not like you’re never going to see me again. I just want to explore other options ok? Listen, that’s Thaila …uh… my friend Dave on the other line. I have to go. Skype me, OK?

It’s official. I can now add international voice actor to my resume now. What a great gig! The job was for an ESL app and it paid pretty well for the 45 minutes worth of “work” that I put into it. I was really nervous at first, but by the end I was having quite a bit of fun and thinking about how cool it would be if this was my full-time job. If I do wind up coming back to Korea, voice acting will be the first thing that I look into doing. Worst come to worst it’ll at least make me better at karaoke. Inching my way closer and closer to Thailand!