I was pretty sick over the weekend, feverish and I had a wicked stomach ache but I figured I would just sleep it off and life would be grand again. Monday and Tuesday rolled around and I felt ok, not super, but not awful either. I went to bed on Tuesday night with high hopes that I would be at 164% by Wednesday. At 3:30 am I woke up with an itchy neck… shrugging it off I went to the bathroom, everything was great. I laid back in bed and my lip started to tingle…. so I got up and went back to the bathroom and watched my top lip swell from normal size to a girl who seriously overdosed on collagen in a matter of 15 minutes or so. So I did what any rational person would do, I popped a bunch of Benadryl. I could just feel the thing continuing to swell, it felt like I was giving birth to a small unicorn out of my lip, so I figured I should probably wake up the boys in case my throat decided to swell and close up too.

We decided that I should probably go to a hospital just in case it turned out to be something serious considering I had been sick all weekend. Good old Google found “American Hospital” for us so off we went. Upon arriving at the hospital we were greeted by a secuity guard and an empty waiting room (AN EMPTY WAITING ROOM? WHAAAAAAA?) I was put in a room immediately and the doctor came and saw me right away. I was lucky, both the nurse and the doctor spoke English. He concluded that it was no more than an allergic reaction (to what I have no idea considering I was sleeping) and he hooked up me to an IV bag with some allergy medication and I was instructed to wait 45 minutes. All the Benadryl that I had popped began to kick in and I was tired as hell, so I entertained the guys with 45 minutes of non sensical ramblings.

Upon leaving, I was instructed to pay the cashier. Excuse me? PAY for medical care? Then I remembered that I was no longer in Canada, land of free healthcare, so that was a new experience for me. Not really a fun one though…. So 286 Turkish Lira later, I find out that there is nothing wrong with me. Unfortunately (or fortunately), my hospital experience was super easy and super fast. There wasn’t very much gesturing, frustration or obscenities being thrown around as I imagined my first hospital visit in Istanbul to be.

I now leave you with pictures of me trying to be hot with my new Hollywood lips.

Matt broke his knee, but who cares?  Jet Set Zero has a new cast member.  Say hi to Nick.

Well, this one didn’t get done exactly when I thought it would, but here it is none the less!  Thanks for being patient, I think these episodes are often worth the wait and this one is no exception.  Not much to say about Starting on the Right Foot other than “enjoy;” I had fun making it (and naming it) so I hope you have fun watching it.

I was lucky enough to work near an orthopedic clinic famous for working on professional baseball players.  So they don’t mess around.

Another favorite is the massive machine they call “The Biodex.”

Me knee gets strapped into a rotating metal arm which automatically bends and unbends my knee. 

It’s quite intimidating to have your injured leg moved by contraption bigger than you powered by enough lbs/sq.ft. that there’s no way I could manually stop it.  So, bit by bit, the ligaments in my knee are stretched to a more normal shape and size.

All things considered, my knee is healing fast.  The clinic is excellent and I trust the rehabilitation regimen they have me on.  I’m off crutches, I can walk up stairs using both legs, and I no longer have an obvious limp.  At this point, the biggest barrier between me and the adventures of Seoul is no longer my leg but my job…but that’s a story for another time.

However, I have started a new physical therapy regimen…This kind of therapy was mistakenly translated as “radioactive therapy,” which was an unfortunate mistake.  I had a brief fantasy that it was causing my knee to hyper-regenerate, but instead it’s just pulsing sound waves to encourage circulation…and hopefully hyper-regeneration.

Please, oh gods of orthopedic healing, please heal my knee!  Also, it would be great if you could speedily remove the all the hideous bruises before I’m forced to wear shorts.  Go ahead, keep reading, you know you want to see a picture…

My knee needs to heal, because Seoul is starting come alive beneath our feet.  As spring rouses itself, all the mountains welcome hikers to their trails.  Nightclubs and parties are proving more common.  The weather almost demands that I go outside and play some sports. 

Instead, I missed the last train connection on Saturday night, huffing and puffing my way through the transfer tunnel as all the old Korean men scurried past me.  I’ve also slipped on a manhole and would have fallen, cursing in pain, had I not steadied myself with my injured leg, cursing in pain.  When the sun comes out, at least I can stand outside like a potted plant, steadied by my crutches, which I still use when traveling long distances.  I just wish my knee could photosynthesize its way to recovery.

But no matter – the verdict was that I don’t need surgery, in the doctor’s opinion.  A hard cast for 2 weeks, followed by physical therapy, would be enough to restore full range of motion.  100% stability for my knee is, alas, a fiction – the ligaments are simply too worn at this point.  Perhaps if my kneecap strays again, reconstructive surgery will be necessary, but for the moment, exercise and safety are my closest allies.

Matt, version 3, here to stay for 2 more weeks.  I know it looks like I’m attempting a pose, but I’m actually trying to draw attention to the hard cast that now encases my leg.  Also, I’ve installed padding on my crutches, because it hurt to haul myself around by pressing my palms on hard, merciless plastic. Oh, and I’m wearing a Jet Set Zero T-shirt, but don’t let that think the shirt leads to crutches.

If you’re in Seoul and want to sign my cast, shoot me an email: Matt[at]jetsetzero.tv.  This sucker better not be bare white when they remove it in 2 weeks…

In the meantime, I got crutches to hobble around and my new cast lets me wear a shoe.  While I am mobile, I’m unbelievably slow, especially climbing and descending stairs.  My room is 4 floors from the street; the kitchen is 2 floors from my room.  I’m also skeptical that my crutches will fully support my weight for a long time – I am a little heavier than the average Korean.

The English support was definitely better but not enough that I felt completely comfortable.  It’s starting to approach that threshold between amusement and alarm.  I know these posts are long, so here’s a dialogue version of how today went down…

Me: Hi hospital, I’m sure glad you’re located at the top of a huge hill, now could you tell me where to go?

Hospital: *point* *point* *point* *point*

Me: Awesome…but I thought you were supposed to speak at least some English…

Doctor appears: Hello, I speak medical English.  Your knee has much effusion on medial side, we need to aspirate.  Remove splint.

Me: Does that mean my knee is swollen and you’re going to stick that needle into me again?

Doctor: Um…sure…*sticks needle into my knee, digs around, removes * Oops, looks like the blood is clotted and we can’t aspirate.

Me: That sounds kinda serious…will it go away naturally?

Doctor: What?

Me: Will the blood go away?  Be drained?  Get flushed out?  Is it dangerous?

Doctor: What?

Me: Will it heal naturally?

Doctor: Um…sure…here talk to my English-speaking nurse who will schedule an MRI to determine tissue rupture and medial structure.

Nurse: Nice to meet you.

Matt: Nice to meet you too.  So we’ll schedule an MRI to see how damaged my knee is?

Nurse: What?

Matt: Um…ok…I’ll follow you…

Nurse: MRI on Thursday, 9:30am – now let’s get another X-ray

X-ray people: Ok now bend your leg in this position

Matt: Um…I have a hard cast on and I can’t bend my leg

X-ray people and Nurse: * talk a lot in Korean *

X-ray people: Ok, all done, you can go *smile*

Matt: Um…ok…wait was that X-ray important?  Should I just take the cast off so we can get it done?

Nurse: Doctor said MRI more important and we skip X-ray since you already splint.

* opposite of confidence *

Matt: Ok, I’ll see you Thursday…wait, wasn’t the doctor supposed to give me some medication for swelling…er, “effusion?”

Nurse: Hmmm, they never told me.  Let me see and email you

No email has arrived

Despite the many miscommunications, I understood a fair amount of what they were trying to say, and I think I’ll be able to have someone that can serve as a translator on Tuesday morning.  The English-speaking support that was promised was better than on Sunday but not quite what I hoped for.  However, if I want to transfer to an international clinic, I need to get all of my medical records myself (which I suppose is theoretically possible, especially if I become fluent in Korean in the next couple days), and even then, they’ll probably repeat all the x-rays and MRI’s (which I’ll pay for again).  So for better or worse, I think I’m stuck with Korean University Hospital for now.

Well our time in Seoul has taken an unexpected turn…right to the Korean University hospital.  Basically, Saturday night I fell and dislocated my right knee – the knee cap decided to adjust itself all the way to the right, sticking straight to the right side.  The pain was excruciating, and I had a wonderful time popping it back into place.  I promise I’ll have another post about that story, but here I want to focus on our 6-hour stint in a hospital with no English-speaking staff.  It’s a very long story, so you’ll have to bear with me.

Sunday morning, my knee was so swollen and sore.  I couldn’t bend it, I could barely walk gritting my teeth against the pain, and so I lay in my massive room on my massive bed, wishing I were somewhere else.  Somehow, it got into my head that I could just wait this one out, let the swelling subside, and survive off advil.  At some point, I decided that I should at least investigate dislocated knee caps, and so I entered that terrible amusement park that is medical advice on the internet.

It wasn’t too pretty, but it did convince me that I should probably get it checked out, just in case there was sever ligament damage.  One of my biggest reservations about going to a hospital was that we don’t have Korean health insurance yet, and God only knows how much it would all cost.  The travel health insurance I have is far less than helpful – in order to even find a care provider in their network, I need to call during regular business hours, Monday to Friday EST…

My employer was also less than helpful.  I’m supposed to start teaching tomorrow, and his response to my plight was “Oh, this is very inconvenient.”  He also hinted that he might drive up here to “assess my injury.”  Dick.  He did call the Korea University hospital though and recommended I go there.

So with Rob’s and Brian’s help, I hobbled down the street to find a cab to take us to the hospital.  We had a great time trying to flag down cabs, most of whom didn’t want to deal with 3 white guys, especially when they realized how close the hospital actually was.  It wasn’t very impressive.  Finally, someone took pity on us and drove us to the Emergency room.

One of our guesthouse neighbors told us that there were English-speaking staff who could help us.  We didn’t encounter many of them.  The next 6 hours consisted of me being put in a wheel chair, asked to sign things, sitting for long periods in the waiting room, and then having my knee poked and prodded painfully while doctors spoke at me in Korean. 

It was clear that no one wanted to deal with me, and finally they just started pushing me around in the wheel chair without talking to me.  I’d be sitting in the waiting room, and suddenly I was traveling down the hall somewhere…for something…that I suppose I’d figure out eventually.  One time, they said something about painkiller medication, wheeled me to a backroom, pulled out a needle, and said “hip, hip.”  They told me to get on the bed and roll over, then jabbed me with the painkiller needle.  Excuse me miss, that’s definitely not my hip.

One of my favorite parts was when they took me back through the depressing infirmary to a small side room with hospital bed.  The woman finally spoke English to me, saying “head” and pointing at one end of the bed.  I clumsily climbed onto the bed, they wheeled a small table full of medical equipment next to the bed, and left without saying anything else.  Periodically, they’d return to add devices to the table, again without saying anything.  Looking at all the stuff they were putting on the table, I deduced that they were going to drain it with a syringe – stick a needle into my knee and extract liquid, blood, ground bone – something.  And still, no one had told me just what the fuck was going on.2 doctors finally came in and one sorta spoke English.  First, they asked if I spoke Korean, and when I said no, they both look crestfallen.  Not a good start.  Then, they asked me what happened, and so I explained for the 5th time since being in the hospital that my knee cap went sideways.  They both suddenly looked alarm and confused, and spoke to each other in Korean.  Exact opposite of instilling confidence.  They also kept checking both of my knees – actually, they x-rayed both of my knees too – as if they needed to compare the two to figure out what was wrong.  Shouldn’t you know what a knee is supposed to look like?!?  And yes, for the last time, it really really hurts when you press on that spot!  Is there a doctor that specializes in Western knees?  And does anyone here speak English?  Again, opposite of confidence. 

When they were done, the room was a mess (also opposite of confidence) and my leg was in a cast, drained of the blood that had seemed into my knee area.  I was told that they were going to keep me there overnight and they’d run more tests in the morning, to figure out the extent of ligament damage.  I cringed at the thought of footing that bill – so far, I had accrued about $400 in fees.  What followed was a wonderful game of “somebody else’s problem.”

They left me here, telling me only that I couldn’t eat or drink anything.  After that, everyone simply ignored me.  I swear the whole evening they were playing rock, paper, scissors to see who would have to go deal with me.  When I finally flagged someone down and asked them about going to the bathroom, they looked kinda confused (WTF? that should be an obvious need for a hospital patient), then a little uncomfortable, then they brought me a little jug.  They still insisted I shouldn’t eat or drink anything (even water), but no one explained why.

Rob and Brian left to get me my laptop and book, and just after they left, the doctors returned and told me I was discharged and I should return to talk with an orthopedic surgeon on Tuesday.  It was so clear that they were just passing the buck, sorta speak, and they were absolutely done with me.  The annoyance of the language barrier had passed that certain threshold.  It all blew me away – I didn’t understand how someone at the hospital wouldn’t speak English to me.  The receptionist did speak English well, but they never called on her to translate anything.  Rob’s suspicion was that they could speak English but were simply too tired and busy to bother speaking English.  I think that’s quite plausible.

I asked for a set of crutches to get around, but they said that the hospital store was closed.  I looked sorta incredulous and asked slowly, well how do I get around?  How do I make it back to my gue
sthouse?  They said, ok wait here, we’ll find a solution.  30 minutes later, they returned, apologized, and told me they didn’t have anything, not even a cane.  But on the bright side, I could eat and drink again, for whatever unexplained reason.  So I gathered my things, climbed into the wheel chair, and wheeled myself out to wait for a cab. With Rob’s help, I made it back to my room, conveniently located on the 4th floor, and now, this is my life until Tuesday. I was quite sad to come back home – at the hospital, my room was bigger, it smelled better, and the hospital bed was pretty comfortable.  I will probably slowly go insane here.  At least my leg doesn’t hurt, and supposedly I’ll have some answers on Tuesday. 

By the way, if you’re reading this, are located in Seoul, speak English and Korean, and are free Tuesday at 10am, I will buy you lunch if you’d like to accompany me to the hospital so I can understand what the hell is wrong with my knee.  Anything you ask – no form of compensation is too much to avoid another misadventure in a hospital with no English support.  Also, I have so so so much respect for immigrants in the U.S. that don’t speak English…it’s not a comforting experience going to the hospital.