I don’t want to travel anymore.  I just want to be home.

A series of events have unfolded at warp speed over the past few years. Starting in 2004 when I got struck by a taxi and broke my leg, I turned my life of stressful routine into a life of adventure, accumulating dreams and fulfilling them with an aggressive enthusiasm. I’ve taken my happiness seriously when it should have been taken with lightness. I have made life’s leisures into a life. But I don’t want it anymore. I’ve proven you can make travel your life and, to myself, I have proven that it can be just as lonely as it can be fulfilling. And right now, I’m exhausted.

I’ve overcome hardships with as strong a positive attitude as possible, wondering when I would hit rock bottom. It never happened. I just kept going – floating for fear of drowning, or “rolling with the punches” as one friend put it. Before Jet Set Zero came along I had already let my stubborn enthusiasm 1) guide me to Europe, 2) volunteer in Kenya and become embedded in rural Kenyan politics, 3) produce my documentary A Chance for Peace (with zero prior experience) immediately following Kenya’s post-election violence, and lastly, it was all topped off with my apartment burning down rendering me homeless and broke as I struggled to finished school. Why am I tell you all this? Because I could pretend that this life of travel is all sunshine and freedom, but it isn’t. The reality – since that is what we are here to share – is that it is also extremely taxing and I don’t want to keep it up anymore for me or for anyone. If anything it is a job I love, not the entirety of a life I want to live. Not for me. Not anymore. There but be a balance.

I’m so thankful for Jet Set Zero and for everyone I’ve met along the way since I first started walking again after breaking my leg those years ago. I’m eager to carry out all the mental, emotional, and spiritual acrobatics I have tumbled through, but I can’t do that in flight. I need roots. I’ve been uplifted by so many experiences and have been empowered to continue traveling as I see so many people becoming inspired by my trips. More will come, undoubtedly, but for now I have to stop.

Today I write you still stuck in India and I don’t know how and when I will be home. I consider my stay here one last lesson that’s telling me its time to go back to California and build my home and life. Again. Hopefully this one wont burn down like the last one. The night I watched it all burn I said to myself, “Destruction gives way to creation.” It’s time to lay the foundation. I can worry about adventure – and appreciate it more – once my roots are firmly planted.

Happy holidays, ladies and vagabonds. See ya when I see ya. It’s been hella real.

PS: I’m working hard to get onwards and upwards, but if anyone would like to make an offering of Frequent Flier Miles in exchange for some grade-A karma, I would not object. So holler. Peace and love, y’all.

We’re moving out in the next couple days. Some will stay, some will go, but one thing that we all agree on is that Thai Mom and Dad have been amazing. On day one at this house, before we even paid or said we would move in, Dad gave me the keys and said, “You’re family now. You are like our children.” Mom raised her eyebrows and nodded with that smile that seems to never fade.

I knew that leaving this house would be tough. It’s not even the house, it’s them. It’s our neighbor, it’s the mechanics down the street that we smile at every morning we head out on our motorbikes – also the same guys that wrangled me in with Bogdan, one of our cameramen, for some whiskey tonight on our way to the market. It’s the endless smiles and Mom serving us homemade food on our patio and staying around to speak to us, even though we still speak hardly any Thai. Mom and Dad knew it would be tough, too. So Mom – speaking to me almost entirely in Thai – let me know that she planned a picnic for us. She said she would plan everything and knock on our doors to wake us up for a 9am departure. So Michael, Bogdan, and I went for it.

I didnt have the heart to tell Mom or Dad that I had already been to a floating lakehouse, but this one didnt include a private motorboat tug of the entire lakehouse out into the water from the shore, nor did it include Mom’s amazing food, or all the love. Walking across the wooden planks from the shore to the lakehouse, we were a family, all carrying food in bags and tupperware, with a Thai Mom making sure we were protected from the sun, a Thai Dad humbly making his way behind her, in front of a German, tailed by two Americans, one raise in Mexico and the other born in Ukraine. (Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt aint got shit on us.)

Before leaving Dad told us that he and his family hadn’t been there for about 20 years. This wasn’t something they did for just anyone. (Fun side note: Mom took all the cushions from their sofa and some blankets and totally turned the bed of their truck into a crash pad for us for the 2 hours drive there under the Thai blue sky, through rice fields, markets, huge temples and reclining Buddha’s, and breath-taking mountains. Something tells me she doesn’t dismantle her furniture for just anyone, either.) But as she and Dad have made clear, we are her Sons.

You can choose whichever language you desire to say it, but that’s love.

The first day in Thailand. Looking back is so crazy. We have come a long way!

Yesterday was the hardest day I have had in Thailand so far, and I’ve had some pretty rough days here.  I’ve spent almost 36 hours without food and it still has nothing on yesterday. Last night one of our cast mates loaded on a jet and headed back to her life in New York City. Evita was an awesome travel companion, and what made it so tough to watch her leave was that we had become so close over the last couple of weeks. The night before her departure we lived it up, we stayed out until three in the morning drinking and having a good time bonding. The house has definitely gotten a lot quieter since she has been gone, and NO thats not a good thing, I miss her laugh! She was my sanity here. She was like my mother figure, I could vent to her when I needed to and she would take it all in and give me that extra boost I needed. She is a genuine loyal person and has one of the biggest hearts I have ever encountered. I learned so much from her in such a short period of time, and for that I am thankful. So… Dear Evita, if you read this, I am so honored that I got the chance to meet you. I can honestly say that you have made your mark in my life. I know that I will leave this experience with a true friend. And to be honest with you, I never knew what that was until now. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done. I love you!

Leaving your life behind is such a liberating experience, but as my new friend Evita would say, “it is a double-edge sword”.  Being the youngest and most inexperienced of the group, it was definitely challenging to say goodbye to the ones I loved. I have never been away from home for longer than two weeks, so this has been a major growing experience. I am blessed to say though, this experience has a way of making you face your fears. I have come a long way in just a month and I look forward to seeing my transformation after everything is said and done.

1.  Make a Bucket List

• I made a Google doc of all the things I had always wanted to do in New York but hadn’t made time for yet.  My friends went in and added their names next to activities they wanted to join me for so I got to see my friends and try new things!
• My list ranged from seeing a Broadway show (“Rock of Ages” to be specific. I’m still singing Here I Go Again and smiling to myself) to trekking to Harlem for the infamous Dinosaur BBQ (overrated!) to seeing my rockstar friend Sean Bradford perform his own show at Joe’s Pub (only in NY!)

2. Enlist men to help you move

• Perrin and I both had strong men load our stuff into SUVs and vans.  We’re no damsels in distress but mattresses are really heavy!
• I live on a six floor walk up with tight turns on the stairway.  Since I didn’t document my own move I’m sharing this strikingly similar experience from “Friends.” PIVOT!

3. Throw multiple good bye parties

• Coworkers, friends, family.  There are so many people to say good bye to, so have as many parties as possible!
• Great good-bye party idea: Each of my friends bought me a song on iTunes and wrote a note in a journal about which song they picked and why.  Now my ipod is stacked with tunes that will bring back memories from home. Example: Brigitte used to listen to this popular song in Italy when they won the World Cup four years ago.  Now it’s my turn! Seven Nation Army

"Maestro Bailey" -- the aptly titled journal my friends gave me with their song choices.

4.  Sample the culture of where you’re moving

• My last day I had long, leisurely brunch at an outdoor French restaurant in the West Village.   Handy practice for European dining!
• I sampled New York’s best gelato so I could adequately compare it to Italian gelato…

5.  Buy a sweet backpack

• Perrin spent TWO hours in REI looking for the perfect backpack!!  She asked every question imaginable — does the pack have alternative openings?  If she had a wet towel, was there a place where she could hang it outside the packback? Do you have the kind that swivel with your hips?  Because those are awesome.
• I sat on the ground and ate a sandwich, tried on a couple options, found one that fit alright and got out of there.  I have a shopping attention span of a 2-year old.
• Perrin got a Gregory Jade 60.  I got an REI Flash 65 — names that make me feel as if we just picked superhero personas.  Check back after our travels to see if Perrin’s methodic inquisition of the REI sales team trumped my intuitive grab.

Perrin and I are ready to jet set out of our parents' house! With that picture on the wall I feel like there's fire flaming out of my snazzy new pac!

What can I say about Ben?  I met him our first week in Saigon at the beer place down the street from our guesthouse.  He is an Aussie boy that has been here for a couple of months doing his CELTA training then he’ll be heading back to Sydney in a couple of weeks.  Despite the fact that he has a creepy Movember mustache, the worst $1 (literally, it was a $1) haircut you will ever see and a not so secret love for Twilight I can’t help but be attracted to him.  We’ve been having an amazing time together, exploring the city and laughing until we’re both crying.

The thought constantly lingers in the back of my head…. November 27th…. the day Ben flies back to Sydney and this dream world we’ve been living in disappears, it’s still 1o days away but I already have a heavy feeling in my heart.  The rational side of my brain has been in constant battle with my heart the last couple of weeks.  My brain is saying, “Jen, you’ve only known this guy for a couple of weeks, who gives a fuck?  You knew it from the beginning that he would be gone by the end of the month, get over it and grow up you chump.”  But then my hearts scolds my brain for being such an asshole, “Jenny, maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to write this one off…. who knows what could come of it?”

2 years ago when I backpacked through Australia, I met an absolutely terrific guy and we hit it off right away.  I was convinced that it was meant to be.  I had to go home to Canada to finish my last year of University so we had planned to meet up again in a year, but this time he would come to Canada and we would pick up where we left off.  Oh how things change in a year.  He met another girl and now he is getting married to her.  I don’t regret leaving but I can’t help but wonder what would’ve been.

When it comes to relationships on the road what is one supposed to do?  Am I forever supposed to keep everyone out of life until I get home or do I risk having my heart broken?

I guess in 10 days we’ll see who wins out….. my brain or my heart.  I may be fine or I may be a mess on the floor.

One of the hardest things to be honest about are our relationships while on the road.  For the most part, we don’t have any problem divulging all the gritty details of our lives, but when it comes to relationships, it can get tricky because that begins to involve other people in what we’re doing.  We’re four pretty liberal girls, and yes, when we’re out on the road, there’s a pretty likely chance that we may get involved with some men.  So here’s my honest story of how things went for me in Turkey:

The first time I went to visit Rob in Istanbul, I met a guy on my very last night in the city.  The two of us hit it off pretty quickly, and when it became evident that the two of us were going to get the opportunity to meet back up in Istanbul when I joined the cast, we were both pretty excited.  I packed my bags, and was on my way to a brand new life, and was also happy that I was going to have a guy in a brand new, foreign city.  When I actually got to the city, I saw the aforementioned guy a few times and well, things didn’t really work out.  It didn’t work out because of time.  I had a lot to do to adjust to JS0, I went to Bulgaria, and I went on a tour around Turkey.  He wasn’t very happy with this, and I quite frankly don’t blame him, but it just wasn’t working out.  So, I sat around, got to know Kris and Jen, and prepared to get ready for Vietnam, leaving my love life behind.

Oh but wait!  My life is never that easy, or maybe I’m just too boy crazy, I can’t tell.  Enter Turkish man #2, one of Jen’s coworkers.  I met this man for a quick second at Jen’s work and immediately had the heart flutters, but waved it off because I was leaving for Vietnam in two days, and what was the point?  But oh wait again, I’m not that rational!  Cute coworker showed up at our going away party, and I pretty much found myself stuck to his side like glue the second he walked in the door.  We chatted throughout the evening, went for a very nice dinner my last night in Istanbul, and said our goodbyes at the airport.

Multiple e-mail conversations later, I’m now in Saigon finding myself still a bit smitten by said cute coworker.  I’m glad to have a new friend afar, but sad that I didn’t get to spend more time with my new love interest.

This, ladies and gentleman, is the crappy part of traveling.  We’re screwed.  We can meet the most amazing people in each country, but there will always come the point where we have to say goodbye.  I joined Jet Set Zero because I love adventure and I wanted to experience something unique.  The sad fact is, you can’t plan on meeting people, you can’t deny it when two people are attracted to each other, and we will always leave each country heartbroken, the heartbreaker, or both.   Sometimes, traveling ain’t easy.

Goodbye Oh Beloved sweet ass balcony.

Shout outs go to:

Bengu- Thanks for being the most amazing, rock my socks of Turkish chick ever. Sorry we made you interpreter/tour guide half the time. You introduced me to the stuffed mussel and I will never forget you for this, my love.

Harun- I never met you sir, but your hookup with the sweet ass hotel in Kuşadası was just about the best thing ever.

Unknown Biatch at our party- Yes you, whoever you may be that felt so inclined to steal a bunch of mine and Kris’ makeup at our going away party, go to hell. Yeah, I said it.

And Huseyin- Thanks for being our hero on our last day. Oh, and thanks for being cute too, that was much appreciated.

Peace, Turkey. Vietnam next (Insert dramatic music here, please)

And now, for the photo montage of my favorite, most awesome, most memorable days/nights in Turkey:

Princes' Islands Sunset, and yes, I know I'm a sucker for a good sunset.

Striking a magazine pose like every other tourist in Pamukkale.

Hangin' with my favorite ladies in Ephesus.

Drunk in random nightclub on bar street in Kuşadası.

After we locked ourselves in a room to take pictures.