Today I was trying desperately to engage my students, so I asked them the question: what three people in history would you like to meet? The answers were predictably boring for the first three students, until one meek and friendly girl piped up. Her answer blew me away.

As it turns out, this girl would like to meet Mohammed, Einstein and … . Hitler. Why, I ask. Because, “I hate Israel, and he killed a lot of Jews.”

I was pretty fucking stunned to say the least. I kind of stuttered along, dutifully avoiding politics in the classroom (especially because someone had said “Virginia Woolf” and “Karl Marx” earlier), only to find out that a number of students wanted to meet Hitler, for similar reasons.

Jesus. This is Turkey.

*P.S. Einstein was a huge zionist.

Today I was trying desperately to engage my students, so I asked them the question: what three people in history would you like to meet? The answers were predictably boring for the first three students, until one meek and friendly girl piped up. Her answer blew me away.

READ MORE ON ROB’S BLOG

No, there is no hidden lolcat.

Instructions:

1. Stare at the center of this window as long as you can (at least 30 seconds)
2. Click the ‘Continue Reading’ link below

(more…)

Reason #549 to hate ESL:

Today, I started the second day of an intensely boring grammar block with 9 Turkish students. After about ten minutes, a member of the Turkish office staff entered and explained something in Turkish, at the end of which everyone started laughing. When I asked a student to translate afterward, he explained that they were talking about canceling the class because of complaints. I had to teach them for four hours after that. FML/ESL.

You may have read about some of our teaching experiences in the past, but recently we’ve been silent about it.  The reason for this was that we had to leave the school about a month and a half ago and have been battling with them ever since to receive payment.  Simply put, this has been the most negative employment experience I have ever had anywhere in the world. 

After almost two months of long days, a terrible commute, and a constantly changing schedule we called it quits.  In our time brief time there we became the second most veteran teachers, and saw 9 others quit with some staying in the school for less than 24 hours. 

All of this is a side note to the simple fact that I have still not been paid for an entire month of work.  We owe the school nothing as they never compensated us for travel, provided us our visas, or even returned our diplomas.  However, due to our old manager’s anger they have decided I don’t deserve to be paid.  This is plain and simple theft.

Instead of payment I have received a constant barrage of insulting and threatening text messages from the old manager. Never have I been in a employment situation where there was such a blatant and total lack of respect.

I hope that if you are considering a job there you do so carefully, and knowing the attitudes and practices of the school.  We heard so many stories, and experienced so many things I wish I had known before we accepted the job I wanted to give others a warning before making the same mistake that we did. 

Teaching in Korea can be an amazing experience, but the right school can make all the difference in the world.  Do your research and avoid places like, or you’re end up paying for it.

On Friday a new teacher arrived.  He observed a single day of classes.  The next day he got up and promptly bought himself a plane ticket home and took off a few hours later.  He was in Korea for less than 24 hours.  That, in fact, is how awesome my job is.

This week I have learned a little bit about what English words and phrases Korean children are most likely to know.  I thought I would share the wisdom.

Things Korean children are more likely to know in English:

Hello!
Colors (red, yellow, blue, etc)
Numbers (1-10)
Fuck You
Kidneys (really just that one child)
Harry Potter
Break Time
Water
Bathroom

Things Korean children do not know, at all, ever:

What’s wrong?
Why are you crying?
Please stop crying
It will be ok
Don’t do that
Stop
No
That hurts me/other children
Stop/Don’t/No hitting/screaming
Quiet
Stop talking
Sit Down
God help me
Just stop fighting/screaming for three minutes and then class will end

Just a heads up for anyone planning on being around or teaching Korean children.

I’m going to keep this short and simple as I am exhausted from a truly epic week of fucking terrible things.

I am now an English “Teacher” in Korea.  I use quotes because I am not, in fact, a teacher at all.  I am a day care attendant for an endless miserable stream of kindergarteners who have been raised with nothing but spite and malice in their heart for both me and my intentions of teaching them.

Each day I get up at 7:30 AM, I leave my “home” (tiny box, not home), at 8 and then I take a train for about an hour to bum-fuck Egypt where I teach 8 classes over 9 hours.

Most of these classes are 40 minute blocks where I “teach” (once again, in quotes) about a dozen children who punch me in the junk, scream at me, punch each other, cry, shit themselves, scream more, run, break, thrash, bite me and cause general anarchy.  After 40 minutes of me running through pleas for help to a list of gods and spirits that I think might be listening to Asia, the children leave, and I reconsider my life choices while walking to get the next group.  Eventually I make it home at 7:20 PM.

Today was the first day a child bit me.  Also I met a child who only said two things in English: “FUCK YOU”, and “kidneys, kidneys”.  After his second statement he proceeded to punch me in the kidneys.  He is 6. I hate him.

I leave you with this picture of a painting of sunflowers.  They represent hope.