There’s something that’s been going on in this house that no one wants talk about. Even though it’s become painfully obvious to everyone including myself, no one seems to be able to verbalize this very real issue that ultimately has affected us all. Let me preface this first by saying that my intent is not to be a rude or vulgar person. But, in the midst of all that has recently gone on in our group there is something that I now know we are all guilty of.

So here’s the situation. I’m going to lay it all out there for you so no one has to wonder what’s really going on in this house. We ran out of toilet paper a few days back and even though the bathroom has been receiving a steady stream of repeat customers, no one seems to be that concerned about it. Which can only really mean one thing. We’ve all been doing it. We’ve all been using the Ass Hose. We’ve all been using the ass hose no one wants to talk about it! But you probably don’t know what an ass hose is do you? Well let me fill you in…

The ass hose, casually referred to as “The Bum Gun,” is a simple device that southeast Asia invented in an attempt replace toilet paper. While the jury’s still out as to the devices standard level of hygiene and effectiveness, it’s quite popular in Thailand none-the-less. We had joked about the ass hose in the beginning. “Ahahaha…The Thais are out of their minds. They must be crazy if they think I’m ever touching that thing.” Ok, yeah, laugh it up buddy. Little did we know that the ass hose always gets the final laugh.

Like I said, we ran out of toilet paper a few days ago.