He was supposed to leave last Friday but due to a fuck up with his flight booking he ended up staying an extra 5 days. I have a heavy feeling in my heart. I knew all along that he would be leaving so it’s not like it was a surprise I didn’t see coming, but it doesn’t make the situation any easier. The last 4 weeks have been amazing, I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

The four of us are on this amazing adventure around the world but at the same time it’s super shitty. We’ve met some amazing people and as soon as we become close it’s time to say goodbye again. Even if Ben didn’t leave today, I would be leaving eventually anyways. I’ve said bye to my friends at home but I know I’ll be going back there one day and they’ll still be there. When you meet people traveling it’s difficult to say if you’ll ever see each other again. The goodbye is always sad because you always say yeah we’ll meet up in some part of the world, you can come visit me in (insert country here) or I can come visit you in (insert country here), and I think deep down inside we know it’s a lie.

I hope I’m wrong this time. I hope this isn’t the end.

To my dear Ben, thank you for being so wonderful to me, for taking care of me, for listening to my stupid stories, for appreciating Universal Solider as much as I do, for teaching me about Farmville, for the good times, for the laughs and for the love.

What can I say about Ben?  I met him our first week in Saigon at the beer place down the street from our guesthouse.  He is an Aussie boy that has been here for a couple of months doing his CELTA training then he’ll be heading back to Sydney in a couple of weeks.  Despite the fact that he has a creepy Movember mustache, the worst $1 (literally, it was a $1) haircut you will ever see and a not so secret love for Twilight I can’t help but be attracted to him.  We’ve been having an amazing time together, exploring the city and laughing until we’re both crying.

The thought constantly lingers in the back of my head…. November 27th…. the day Ben flies back to Sydney and this dream world we’ve been living in disappears, it’s still 1o days away but I already have a heavy feeling in my heart.  The rational side of my brain has been in constant battle with my heart the last couple of weeks.  My brain is saying, “Jen, you’ve only known this guy for a couple of weeks, who gives a fuck?  You knew it from the beginning that he would be gone by the end of the month, get over it and grow up you chump.”  But then my hearts scolds my brain for being such an asshole, “Jenny, maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to write this one off…. who knows what could come of it?”

2 years ago when I backpacked through Australia, I met an absolutely terrific guy and we hit it off right away.  I was convinced that it was meant to be.  I had to go home to Canada to finish my last year of University so we had planned to meet up again in a year, but this time he would come to Canada and we would pick up where we left off.  Oh how things change in a year.  He met another girl and now he is getting married to her.  I don’t regret leaving but I can’t help but wonder what would’ve been.

When it comes to relationships on the road what is one supposed to do?  Am I forever supposed to keep everyone out of life until I get home or do I risk having my heart broken?

I guess in 10 days we’ll see who wins out….. my brain or my heart.  I may be fine or I may be a mess on the floor.