I love you. You know I love you right? I’m mean, when we first got together I was going through a hard time in life. I had just been born and I really needed the support. I was desperate and inexperienced and maybe that’s what led to our down fall. You were my first and even though I was probably like your 231,664,000th that year, it really didn’t matter because at least we had each other.

Listen, you’re a really great country America. I mean, you have done things for me that NO other country would. Remember the bill of rights? Freedom of speech? Baseball and snow cones? Come on, those were good times baby, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be the person I am today. You helped MOLD me.

“I’m sorry America, what was that? Did you say something?”
“AM I SEEING OTHER COUNTRIES?”

What? Who told you that? Was it North Korea? That no good, totalitarian, son of a…… Ok look, you already know so I’m just going to level with you. YES, I have been seeing other countries. It was only the one time. Well, twice if you count Japan, but I was only in the airport for like an hour so doesn’t even really count. This doesn’t mean that I don’t love you America. There will always be a place in my heart for you. You know I almost joined the Army for you right? We’ve been together for so long that I don’t even know where you stop and I begin. It’s just, I just need some space right now. I need some time to grow, to figure out who I am.

“America, are you…, are you crying?”

Look, it’s not like you’re never going to see me again. I just want to explore other options ok? Listen, that’s Thaila …uh… my friend Dave on the other line. I have to go. Skype me, OK?