The first day I arrived in Roccafranca I was informed that my Italian dad’s 29-year-old brother Giovanni was in the market for a wife and I was a suitable match.  Really, I was just the first new girl in town since last summer’s ACLE tutors.  But every time I met a new grandmother, aunt, uncle, cousin or friend of the family they immediately said, “You-Giovanni.  Very good.  Yes.”

Seeing as almost every man under 30 here would be a top contender for The Jersey Shore Season 3, I was not optimistic about this proposed arranged marriage.  But when my “mom” told me Giovanni would like to take me to the scenic Lake Garda with his two friends, I was all over it – as long as my sister could come.  We really hadn’t met anyone our own age and were eager to see where they went out.

So a couple nights ago Perrin and I hopped in a BMW and headed out with the boys.  A couple things stood out:

Me and Giovanni, my 29-year-old Italian “uncle”, in Autocool, a 24-7 convenience store where you can gamble in the slot machines or buy fresh fruit, DVDs, board games, Gelato and more! Giovanni has a graphic t-shirt, ripped jeans and a man purse. 100% standard look for men here.

1. They drive as if they were in Super Mario Kart.  Mika, our driver, went at least 90mph down a one lane highway the whole trip and zipped around other cars like we had the special star shield around us and could go through anything in our path.  It was mildly terrifying and we won’t be doing it again.  They blasted U2 the whole way though, which was a welcome language barrier buffer.

Perrin dancing to U2's "Elevation" blaring in the background.

2. They always pay for girls.  Most Italian men live with their mothers until their mid-late 20s so they can put away some cash.  This means they have more dough for wining and dining the ladies.  That they did.  We went to a Spanish tapas restaurant called Ole and since Perrin and I couldn’t read the menu they ordered us a feast of food and made sure we always had full glasses of the best sangria I’ve ever had.  They happily took care of the bill and informed us women would NEVER pay while they were around.

The food was delicious all around. Here Perrin and I chow down on some less fancy American wings in honor of the Croxleys night we were missing back home.

3. They love American women.  Giovanni’s friends asked Perrin and I if we were single right away and asked if we would like two Italian men.  They actually used the term, “You free for all?  Yes?  Let’s go.”  We immediately put the brakes on that one yet two of them tried unsuccessfully again to kiss us later.  The cajones!

After a dip in a local pool, Perrin wrinkles her nose. Italian men are desperately seeking American women but they’re not really our style.

4. They are addicted to Facebook.  This clearly is not just an trend amongst Italian men, but it should be noted that they pulled the site up on their iPhones or mentioned it in conversation every couple minutes.  But that could also be an exaggeration because it was the only word Perrin and I understood…