I actually won a heart shaped box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day, at a bar, in a raffle that I didn’t enter, and there was not ONE SINGLE LADY AT ANY OF THE BARS I WENT TO UPON WHICH TO USE THE LINE “I guess I got lucky tonight; want a chocolate?”

Also, screw you, Molly Daniell. You’re an idiot. And, screw you, attractive, happy couples.

Actually, that last bit was a cheap shot. I’m just jealous of you, couples. You rock on with your bad selves. Instead of cutting my losses and going to bed, I will now have myself another 3 beers and make some nachos while playing Beyonce’s Single Ladies at full volume ad infinitum. God I wish the bars stayed open later here.